i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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