one two three fourrrrnication!
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
