best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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