i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
