If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
