Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
