super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
