none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
