it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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