did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
