the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
