I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
