ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
