he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
