hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
