The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
