it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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