We're facebook friends in real life
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
