The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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