Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
