sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
