Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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