I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
