this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
