we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
