I wanna bring you to show and tell
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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