hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
