Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just had sex on a roof
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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