It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
