As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
