you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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