I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
