Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
