I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
