I'll bet she douches with gravy.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
