Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
