I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
