well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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