when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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