How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
