Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
