he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
