Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You pole danced in your parka.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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