fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
