You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
