Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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