I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
