Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
