I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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