is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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