WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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