Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm at about main and main street
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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