guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
