I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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