Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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