so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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