chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
