dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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