He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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