Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
