thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Every concussion has its silver lining
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize