I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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