I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
